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Press Release: isos Launch Soul Sellin’ Link Bonanza (SSLB) Program
January 27th, 2006 by mike
For too long, people have struggled to get links. The difficulty of creating content, seeking out partners and generally building content and neat ideas is becoming too much.
So what do you do? Who do you turn to?
Isos, that’s who!
In a collaboration with Beelzebub inc, Isos have created a link building system designed to get YOU the links YOU need.
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| Beelzebub inc CEO Lucifer |
At the launch, Beelzebub Inc CEO, Lucifer, had this to say:
“Selling your soul for links has never been easier than with the Isos and Beelzebub Inc Soul Sellin’ Link Bonanza (SSLB) program. For the bargain price of an eternity in hell, Isos and Beelzebub Inc are offering ten (10) PageRank8 links, one hundred (100) PageRank7 links, and one thousand (1,000) PageRank6 links. All on authority sites, all on separate IP C blocks, and all driving profitable traffic that will help you live better in this life, never mind the next.
“Forget link bait. Forget competitions. Forget buying, trading or begging for links. With one simple transaction and an eternity of warmer-than-average weather, you can have success in this world NOW.”
As souls are a one-sale item, the price will unfortunately be fixed. However, Isos and Beelzebub Inc are also offerring a second, less effective package, referred to as the Purgatory Soul Grabbin’ Gamble (PSGG). This package offers no particular or specific number of links, but comes with the potential to avoid eternal damnation, and instead end up in the balmy nowhereness of Purgatory.
“We must of course stress”, Lucifer said. “That the PSGG comes with absolutely no-guarantees, of either success or links, and any results will truly be variable at best, with no expected ROI. Still, you have a chance to avoid eternal damnation, so it isn’t all downside, and for those that care about their immortal souls more than they care about their wealth on Earth, this is a great introductory package. Upgrading, at anytime will, of course, be possible, although downgrades will not be available.”
For more information on this incredible, bargain basement program, please Click Here.
Entry Filed under: Mike's Ramblings, Community Announcements, Products
16 Comments Add your own
1. chompy | January 27th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Aren’t there any loopholes? There must be some! There’s always at least one! Like self-sacrifice or something.
2. Jill | January 27th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Well, I see you stole my link bonanza trademarked phrase, you bastard. I distinctly remember publishing an article where I said something about a link bonanza extravaganza. If not 2 articles. Or maybe an article and a forum post.
At any rate, you and beezlebub will be hearing from my attorney.
Oh yeah…and while you’re at it…go to hell.
Oh wait, you already are.
3. qwerty | January 28th, 2006 at 1:45 am
Ahem…. BeelzeBob. Why does no one ever get the spelling right?
4. Torka | January 28th, 2006 at 6:58 am
If I’ve already been wicked enough that I’m going to hell in a handbasket anyway, can I still sign up for the SSLB program?
5. Lucifer | January 28th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Luckily, as no matter how evil you have been, you only need to repent on your death bed to get into heaven, Beelzebub inc like the contractually binding nature of selling your soul, so yes, you can still get your links even if you are destined for the pits of hell anyway.
For more info, see the terms and conditions, or simply summon your local demonic rep.
6. Barry Welford | January 28th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
I don’t know about all this stuff. This PSGG package comes with absolutely no guarantees. Sounds like a lot of that SEO rubbish that some people sell. .. and usuall that only costs an arm and a leg, not your whole soul.
7. qwerty | January 29th, 2006 at 5:25 am
I see the soul as far less than an arm and a leg. Consider this: as an SEO, I use my arms every day. I can’t type with just one hand, as it would slow me down too much. And my legs? I need them to get me up from my desk and over to the bathroom for my monthly cleaning.
But my soul? It’s just sitting around gathering dust. I don’t use it at all. I haven’t been dancing in years.
8. Link Building ▣ SE&hellip | January 30th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
[…] you live better in this life, never mind the next. For more on this great deal visit the depths of hell. link building
[…]
9. ablereach | January 30th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Beelzebubba, Beelzebubble, Beelzeboom, Beelzebust, Beelzebob, a rose by any other name…
10. Monday morning SEO reads,&hellip | January 31st, 2006 at 2:20 am
[…] MSN cut deal - Loren Be better by analyzing your competitors - Stuntdubl Tools Selling your soul for links […]
11. Slow Humour Day Forces is&hellip | February 2nd, 2006 at 9:27 am
[…] but for the ones who do, they payoff is incalculable! And, it’s not as final as the sslb program, but can be even more eff […]
12. Jill | February 3rd, 2006 at 1:57 pm
Holy moly, you guys got trackbacks!
Me thinks the readership has possibly grown to 11 or 12!
13. Mike | February 3rd, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Geez, I better get us off the rusty server soon…
14. Russ | February 9th, 2006 at 1:38 am
Is there an affiliate program? As an agnostic I couldn’t really offer my own soul, but I don’t see anything unethical about facilitating a transaction or two.
15. mike | February 9th, 2006 at 11:02 am
We checked with God, and apparently, if you broker another person’s soul, you go straight to hell anyway. However, with our new MLM SSLB program, for everyone you refer, you get 10% of the links they receieve, and 2% of the links of people they refer, and 1% of the links of the people they refer. That is three levels of soul sellin’ MLM goodness, and some good, quality link buildin’.
As you lose your soul anyway, why not get the most out of the transaction, adn join our MLM program?
Besides, even though you go straight to hell, but if you manage to refer all your mates, at least you know they will be there with you
16. don1 | March 13th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Are there first time buyer specials? I think my soul is still under agreement with another service. I have some small fuzzy animals that I could sacrifice.
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